How to help during a loss
What is grief?
- Grief is a natural reaction to loss.
- Each student’s grief experience is unique.
- There are no “right” and “wrong” ways to grieve.
- Every death is unique and will be experienced by your students in different ways.
- The grieving process is influenced by a multitude of factors:
- The nature of the death
- The interpretation of the death
- The status of the relationship between the student and the person who died
- The emotional and developmental stages of students
- The communities view of the death
- Support systems available to students (school, family, friends, etc.)
- Grieving never ends. It is a process and not something people “get over.”
As your student processes this event, you may observe your child:
- demonstrating sadness, fear and/or confusion
- trouble falling asleep, have bad dreams, or have a change in sleeping patterns
- more easily hurt
- anxious
- acting out
- becoming withdrawn
- exhibiting anger about death
- having concerns for their own safety
Some ways you can support your child:
- spend time with your child
- assuring their safety
- talk about this event in an age appropriate context
- observe conversations, including text messages, your child has with their peers
- have an open and honest discussion about feelings
- encourage writing, drawing and journaling
- maintain regular schedules
Seek professional help
Age Appropriate Reactions of Loss & Grief
- PRESCHOOLERS need brief and simple explanations for their short attention span.
- SCHOOL AGE TO 12 YEARS of age need basic factual information.
- Begin to have biological, more rational understanding of death
- Concern over death of people they know
- Difficulty talking about feelings concerning death
- Predominate feelings: Guilt and Anger
- Develop facades of joking, unconcerned, etc.
- Short attention and tolerance spans in dealing with death
- How to Help a Preteen:
- Spend time together
- Talk about the loss openly
- Address concerns of how this disrupts their life
- Provide structure and predictability
- Be prepared to deal with anger, encourage physical activities
- Respect the individual’s timetable
- Use creative methods to discuss the loss
- TEENAGERS need lots of details and support:
- Understand death much like adults
- May see self as immune to death; risk taking behaviors
- Independent/Dependent transition; thus fear, confusion
- Looking for meaning in death
- Strong peer identification makes peer death especially hard
- Will act out and verbalize feelings
- Idealization of dead person
- Anger about death, loss of hopes and dreams
- May have strong sense of responsibility to “caregivers” masking own feelings
- How to Help a Teenager:
- Spend time building trust
- Be willing to listen to story many times over
- Open and honest discussion of feelings
- Encourage writing, drawing and keeping a journal
- Address their issues
- Help teen connect with a support system
- Respect the timetable of the individual
- Expect decreased attention span, possible changes in performance
- Be mindful of anniversaries of losses
- Recognize cumulative losses and grief